Kind of scared...

Internet, there is something I've been keeping from you.  The past month or so has been filled with some nerves, some anxiety and some just plain scary moments.

Insert Vinnie.

So about a little over a year ago I had some seasonal allergies, which is pretty rare for me.  My eyes were itchy and puffy.  Well after the allergies left... I noticed my left eyelid was still a bit puffy.  I didn't think anything of it at first.  After another week or two I decided that maybe I was allergic to a new product I was using.  So I started switching out my eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, eye makeup remover... tried it ALL.... and my eyelid remained puffy.

AT LEAST it isn't noticeable... is the thought that regularly enters my mind.

So after a year my friends and hubby finally convinced me to get a physical {not because of the puffy eye... but because I didn't remember the last time I had one because I. HATE. NEEDLES.}.  So I went to the doctor and told him about my puffy eyelid.  He felt around and decided to run a couple of extra tests to check my thyroid just to be certain everything is working properly there.  I get the blood work back and I am as healthy as can be!  YAY! I was so glad to get that news! But there were still no answers for who Vinnie is or why he was setting up camp in my eyelid {yes... I name random things in my life #sorrynotsorry}.

Probably 6 weeks later (January) I went for my annual eye exam and I decided to mention Vinnie.  He was fairly concerned and wanted me to get a CT scan to be sure.

Well if you know me at all... I'm not one that invites... actually I completely avoid needles at all costs.  So I decide to get another opinion since my general doctor wasn't too concerned about it and was just going to keep an eye on it.... so I had a couple of differing opinions.  So insert Dr. White.  He has been a family friend for several years because we've gone to church together for probably 10 years.  It just so happens that Dr. White specializes in the exact type of issue I was having with Vinnie.  So I went for a visit on a Monday where he confirmed that I did in fact need to get a CT scan {grrr to needles} to determine how we needed to move forward.

So that Friday I had the scan and set up a followup with Dr. White for the following Wednesday.  You'd think I'd be a nervous wreck... but the Lord truly blessed me with a fair amount of peace.... I'm not going to sit here and feed you lies that I never had my moments of doubt and anxiety.  BUT the Lord was so good to me.  I have such an amazing support system around me... and I felt that support and love even stronger that week and 1/2 of uncertainty and concern.

I am still praising the Lord that the results came back that the mass in my eyelid IS NOT cancerous.  Vinnie is a pesky cyst about the size of my eyeball taking residence in my eye socket. {chills down my spine}  What Vinnie doesn't realize is that an eye socket is only made for 1 item the size of an eyeball.

So... Vinnie is being evicted.  Surgery is scheduled for mid-March, Dr. White wants to get him out of there-- but it isn't an emergency type of situation.  I'm so thankful that I'll get to attend my brother's wedding BEFORE Vinnie is removed... so pictures will exclude a massive swollen black and blue eye :)

I know what you all are thinking.... Raylene, do you at least get to look like a pirate for a couple of weeks?  Well the answer is NO.  I asked the moment we set the date.... but no - the surgery is not on my actual eye so no pirate-talk-practicing taking place here.

So remember that amazing support system I mentioned earlier?  One of my dear friends, Jamie emailed me at some point during all of the waiting and reminded me of some of the ways God has been so good to me through all of this and through the timing of it all.... so I wanted to list some so when I look back at this I can have them documented:

From Jamie:

1. I forgot you were meeting with the doc Yesterday, but you were on my mind all day so I said a lot of sentence prayers. Then I just read your post about God's timing and I was thinking isn't it cool that He had me praying for you even though I didn't remember. I love that. 

2. I was thinking about how long you've had that bump on your eye and how awesome it is that God provided a full time job with benefits prior to you really discovering what it is. Awesome again.

3. I thought about how cool it is that you went to the doctor before the eye doctor so while it was nerve wrecking waiting to see how big this "growth" is you had the assurance that at least all your blood work was right. 

4. I was excited that it's not so serious that you get to wait until after Ashley's wedding. 

So thankful for my community.  Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support as I prepare for the surgery and recovery.  I'm so thankful for the Lord's timing for everything mentioned above... as well as the fact that my super busy season at work doesn't start until early May and I should be all healed up and ready to go for the busy season.

I am truly thankful for the Lord {period}.  I don't know how people go through times of uncertainty without having Him and His peace and promises to lean on.  I am thanking the Lord for my salvation today.  I love how a life situation like this continues to point me to the cross and the continued grace that is shed on me daily.


Praise the Lord.