This season of life...

Let me please take a moment to set the stage for this post: this is NOT a pity party; this is NOT an 'I'm holier than thou'; or a cry for help--- this IS just the reality for us during this season of life.  I've been avoiding my blog because this is our reality and I haven't been comfortable being vulnerable with you in the midst of this season. {by 'you' I mean those of you that read along with me as I process this life, you're who I'm talking about}

We are abundantly blessed- and we are overwhelmed with this fact this christmas season.  As a part of this live season we haven't been able to do gifts the last couple of years: Christmas, birthday celebrations or otherwise

In a couple of years- Scott will graduate and we will probably begin to feel more comfortable financially... Back to the way it was before 10/2011. {that's a whole other story for a coffee date sometime} However, I pray not everything {my immaturity} goes back to how it was before 10/2011.

I know when this time comes we will be able to start giving gifts again... And I truly look forward to that. I love searching for the perfect gift.

I am writing this post for when I am in that place.  The place where money isn't as tight as it is now.  The place where we can enjoy finding the perfect gift for our loved ones.... I am writing in hopes that I will look back on this....  this season of life when we are so forced to rely on Christ for our every need that it brings me to tears at the ways He continues to provide for us exactly what we need.

Raylene: DON'T. FORGET. don't ever let financial comfort replace relying on Him for your every need.  He does a much better job providing for us than we every could.

A statement of Dave Ramsey's that sticks out to me these days is.. 'live like no one else - so that later you can live like no one else'.  While he made this statement regarding finances.  I rely on this in a little different way.

'live like no one else': embrace these seasons - take in the reliance on Christ we are experiencing through this seasons... learn and grow from these seasons... praise Him for these seasons

'... so that later you can live like no one else': His will is for us to be in this season and it is working for our best and His good... Romans 8:28 becomes reality

I've caught myself preaching myself this sermon often these days.  So thankful for His promises, and the ways He continues to make good on His promises in our lives during this season.

 What we need from you {same you as defined above}:

don't pity us - rejoice with us... in how the Lord has provided
don't cry with us me - encourage us with the truth of the gospel when you think of us
don't worry about us - pray to our ultimate Provider on our behalf
don't feel sorry - feel encouraged by how God is using this season to shape and mature us

be. our. community.

christian-ish

Internet, have I mentioned how blessed I am to be on the leadership team for our youth group?

No, but seriously.  I love talking about ministry with these people.  We all have different views and opinions and I love discussing them during our time together.

We had a meeting last weekend and I have been so blessed by the discussion.  Earlier last week Rob emailed the leadership team asking us to listen to a Podcast of Al Mohler talking with Kenda Creasy Dean, author of "Almost Christian".

It is about 45-50 minutes long but totally worth it!  Here is my summary and the things that stuck out the most to me:

It sounds like the book 'Almost Christian' is talking a lot about the disease of living the 'christian-ish' life.  Especially my generation - we have been plagued with the temptation to assume that living a moral life {being sweet to people} is what it means to live the christian life.

Internet, there is so much more to living the christian life than being nice and keeping the peace among the people around you.  Living 'christian-ish' is not living the abiding life discussed in the bible.

Let me just throw out a few reminders here:

-Being intentionally sweet to others is a good thing.  It is NOT the spreading of the gospel, though.  We must stop assuming our sweetness is spreading the good news of Christ. {of which I'm certainly the biggest culprit}

-Living a life with good morals is a good thing.  However, it is NOT the spreading of the gospel.

OK - so where was I, oh yes- summarizing the podcast.... {stepping down from soap box}

There are so many good pieces to share... so here they are in kind of word vomit order:

-Live intentionally instead if Christian-ish

-"Discipleship is less about sharing all we know about Christ and more about sharing how to live a life of love for Christ."  I love the truth of this statement.  It is so easy to be intimidated or prideful about 'sharing all we know'... and we need to focus on sharing how to live a life of love for Christ. 

-"Kids learn best the things they love the most" 

-"Kids are more likely to recognize Christianity as being significant if we don't treat it as an an extra curricular activity... Not something that comes at the end of our week but something you organize your life around."

This one can sting a bit.  But it is so true! If students see us organizing our lives around the work of the gospel - they are more apt to see the importance of doing that themselves.  There is something else implied here.... how can one know how someone else is organizing their life if they aren't intentionally invested in one another's lives?  

So.... how do you let someone in... close enough to let them see how you organize your life? Be. intentional.

-"Parents have a much bigger impact on their kid's than they realize. Your faithfulness is much more powerful than you realize."

-"What you are [as a parent] is what you get [in a child]"

-Research used in the book 'Almost Christian' has shown students who continue to have faith from HS to young adulthood is hugely impacted by the religious devotion of their parents during their teenage years.  

-"Instead of focusing on having 1 leader per X number of students - focus on surrounding each student with 5 adults who love The Lord"  Bringing them into the church community... Showing them what it is like to live a life sold out for Christ.

-Moralistic therapeutic deism is the fancy term for this living a 'christian-ish' life that seems to come so naturally to our generation considering the culture we live in. {no excuse, though}  We are so concerned to offend those around us that we hang on to moralistic living and forget the urgency of the gospel.


This has been so good for my heart to stew on as I write this out.  I pray this will truly impact the way I live my life and the way I invest in our GSM students for the gospel. 

a dose of real ray wednesday...

I'm really in awe of how well satan is at stirring pots.  He loves to put people against one another.  He loves to cause division.  He loves for rumors to flourish and spread like wildfire.  He loves for people to take those rumors and believe them.  He loves for rumors to tear apart the body of Christ.

Yet as well as satan is at stirring pots and causing conflict and division...... he is NO where near the goodness of God.

Yet, the conflict, rumors, division seem to be what stays in the front of our minds.

Interesting how that works, isn't it?

It pulls at my heart strings to watch it all go down... seemingly right in front of me.  I've felt the effects of this before... similar smell... my heart and mind are tempted to assume the end result will be the same.  

I'm so thankful for individuals I trust dearly who center their lives on the gospel.  Thankful for leaders who are as serious about the Bible as a heart attack.  Thankful for those older than me being willing to walk me through a concept or idea... or for their willingness to help challenge/grow me in too many ways to list here.

Yet - sometimes I miss being a youth student - able to learn more and more about Christ and what it means to walk with Him and have fun while I'm at it.  All the while being somewhat disconnected to the church as a whole.

As I type those words I shake my head.  I don't really mean that.  But sometimes my heart remembers that season and how 'innocent' it was.  Of course I have such a better understanding of walking with Christ now than I ever did in youth -- so I would never actually wish to go back there.  But when satan stirs these pots... the desire to go back to that season is tempting.

My favorite thing about all of this.... God is bigger.  He is using this 'allowing-satan-to-stir-the-pot' thing to mold and grow me.  I feel Him maturing me.  I feel Him challenging my heart and my motives and I'm thankful.

Note to self:  5-years-ago-Raylene would not be responding the way you're responding now.  God is in the midst of that growth.

It doesn't get much more real {on this real ray wednesday} than that, folks.

I do want to leave you with some things I'm overwhelmingly thankful for today...

-growing relationships
-craft nights with the crafts gone while crew
-the fact that craft nights are SO much more than craft nights... it is good for my soul
-good conversations with people in my church community
-the interesting things God uses to grow me
-my church body
-the way God challenges my heart

How about you be real with me... how are you {really} today?

a little more on marriage...

Internet, I told you I'd have more to say about marriage and relationships....

{PS:  I can't write an entire post about marriage without posting some pictures of my and the hubs.... #sorrynotsorry}

As I've said before-- marriage isn't easy BUT it is totally worth every ounce of effort!

Do any of you have siblings? Can any of you honestly say that you've never disliked them or how they've treated you at one time or another? But do you still love them? Why?... Because we are family and are stuck together? Ok- valid point... But do you see the one I'm making?

Why is it we don't apply THIS type of love to our marriage relationship?  Why don't we see the love within a marriage as 'not-an-option-to-not-love' like we do with a sibling or other family member? Is it because we have let our culture convince us that it IS optional? Or is it that we believe the culture when it tells us that we can fall out of love and therefore we have a free ride to break our covenant with the Lord and our spouse?  Is it because of our fairy tale dreams growing up and marriage just doesn't seem to be like the 2 hour movie?

What do you think?

In my few years of marriage here are some additional things I've learned {and continue to learn} are important for our marriage:

Hold hands. Seems silly and so simple - but never get too old to hold hands.  Please don't get out of control and become 'those people' that can't keep their hands off of each other.  But it is important to hold hands.  You might beg to differ... maybe for you it is important to spend time cuddling on a couch.  Whatever it is for you... it is important to keep doing it.  Keep cuddling - you're never too old and you have never been married for too long to cuddle or hold hands.

Consideration for others is KEY.  Put yourself in the other person's shoes.... try to think how they will percieve the comment/situation... and adjust as necessary.  However - I am not saying you should enable those that are irrationally dramatic and step on egg shells.  I'm suggesting it is appropriate to consider someone else other than yourself.  Even put your spouse's feelings in the forefront of your mind as you say or do things that impact them.  Considering one another first is a sure way to extend grace to one another.

Recognize you're on the same team!  Competitive natures are an ok thing - but they can be dangerous in a marriage.  Scott and I are both very competitive people.  It can be so easy to forget that you're NOT competing with one another.  Go ahead and play games and compete with one another.... BUT realize that in life... you're not competing for who is the best at X.  Realize that you each bring the perfect blend to the marriage - you strengthen one another in areas where you are each weak.

Balance is necessary.  This is very broad but it is true in each sense of the word.  Balance one another - you should rub off on them and they should rub off on you.  Also your time should be balanced.  Be sure to spend time together - JUST THE TWO OF YOU.  This is especially easy for Scott and I right now because we don't have kids yet.  But I know it is essential to a healthy marriage no matter what stage of life you're in together.  But also spend time separate - it is OK and greatly encouraged to spend time with your girlfriends and for your spouse to spend time with his guy friends.  You need this time in community with others outside the relationship setting.  BUT - a warning here - you should never talk about about your spouse behind their back.  Getting together with girlfriends is not a time to bad mouth your spouse for the latest irritation he has caused.

Fun is a requirement.  I know this seems silly... but it is so easy for some to lose sight of the importance of having fun with one another.  Go on dates - have tickle fights - flirt.  Continue to flirt after you're married.  I can't tell you how important it is to be able to have fun with one another AFTER the honeymoon stage of a marriage is over.  The tickle monster, and the singing what a normal human would speak to one another are things that WILL surely stick around our marriage.  If you've spent any length of time around Scott and I - you have probably experienced any combination of these.... and sorry about it but they are here to stay.  I love being goofy with my husband.  It seems silly and simple - but it something I truly treasure.

Document life together.  Enjoy the simple moments - take pictures.  Ok... so this one isn't for everyone... but it IS important to me!  I am a scrapbooker, a memory keeper, a smashbooker, a lover of pictures.  Why, you ask? I don't have the best memory and honestly I love getting to smile when I come across a picture from a fun memory and relive that moment in my head.  I am not convinced I would relive those simple moments that bring me so much joy if I didn't have something like a picture to trigger my memory.  Scott may roll his eyes and give me a hard time about taking pictures when we go out on dates, but I want to relive these moments later in life.

When you say you forgive... actually forgive. When your husband {or wife} says something or does something that really irritates you enough that it keeps bothering you and you realize it is time for a critical conversation.  At the conclusion of that conversation when forgiveness is sought and given freely... be sure to understand what it means to truly forgive.  Don't just say that you forgive him and then continue to bring up that very instance every additional time you get irritated at him.  Don't let the instance continue to bother you - that isn't forgiveness.... that, my friend is a grudge.  This is directly related to the comment I made in my original blog post on marriage - the part about how a marriage is an illustration of Christ's relationship with the church.  We certainly wouldn't want Christ to store up every instance of sin against Him that we commit on a daily basis, would we?  No - we are so thankful for the grace that He continues to show us.  THAT is the way we should treat our spouse.  We should offer that same grace {as best we can being sinful and human}.  This is an image of Christ's love for us {His church}.  He forgave us without question.... yet when we are the one 'sinned' against we suddenly feel entitled to some sort of payment to earn our favor again.  Yeah.... we REALLY need to get a gospel perspective on forgiving one another within a marriage.


I could go on for days... but I'll stop here... for now.

I'd LOVE to hear about some of the most important things you've learned through your marriage or watching your parents' marriage.  What are some of your tricks of the trade?  What are some of the pieces of advice you would give a newly engaged or newly wed couple?

lions, tigers and school decisions - oh my.

Making decisions about how to educate your children is very difficult and very personal to everyone I know.    However, whatever you decide: public school, private school, or homeschool is your decision.



Let me just say a few things up front:

1. I don't have kids YET
2. I do plan to have children at some point in the future {I can hear my parents breathing a sigh of relief}
3. I don't intend to offend anyone through the contents of this post-only to encourage and challenge myself and any others that feel so inclined to read along as I process via the blogsphere


No kids... ok, so why the post, Ray?

This post is not a response to any one thing that I have heard, read or observed... it is simply to express some concern about what the topic is doing to the church and to encourage those who will make, have made, are getting ready to make these big decisions regarding how to educate their children.  This post is for myself - one day I will feel the pressure that so many others are feeling to choose one method or another and I know I'll need to look back on this to challenge myself.  

I'm concerned, friends.

I'm concerned that we have let this decision about the way each family does school dictate the way we view one another.
I'm concerned that we've taken this schooling thing and let satan divide the church into 'segments' or 'cliques' {dare I say...} that are for or against one school decision or another.
I'm concerned that we have made it our personal conviction that everyone else must agree with and decide that the same schooling method is right for their family.
I'm concerned that to some, the method of schooling chosen for your family will somehow impact you eternity.
I'm concerned we've lost sight of the gospel in light of the area of schooling.
I'm concerned we've let satan convince us that one decision is more sinful or less sinful than another.
I'm concerned that we have forgotten that God is still in ultimate control and is bigger than any governmental regulation/trend....

Internet, those seem like really harsh statements... I truly hope that none of them are true.

You know whats funny about all of this?   I know several families that do homeschool, families that do private school, and families that do public school and they all do it well.  They respect other families for the decisions they make regarding school and they know that their decision is the best one for their family.  I have so much respect for these families... and I hope that when we have kids and make our school choice that we'll be just as respectful of what's best for everyone else's family.  So I want to give a shout out to those families that do it well.  I appreciate your understanding and your respect for each of the other school options out there.

Ok... some of you are dying for me to share so here is some background on me:

- I went to public school from K-10th grade and from 10th-12th grade I went to a small christian school in Kansas City. 


Some things I hope Scott and I will consider when making the schooling decision for our future children:

-I am not an educator.  I have a BS in Psychology and an MBA with an HR concentration.  I will be very helpful to my kids when they take psychology and business classes.  I will be able to talk with them about a SWAT analysis and how to communicate with different types of personalities.  However I did not spend my college/masters years learning how to teach others well.

-Assuming we will be living in the same area that we live in currently - we live in one of the top school districts in the tri-state area.  They are doing something right in regards to educating local students.

-I want what is best for my children.  I want them to learn how to deal with others well- people they like, those they don't.  I want them to be challenged to think critically, problem solve without giving up.  I'm afraid that I would be a softy - I think I'd let them give up too quickly or help make excuses for them.  

-I pray even now that the gospel will be central in our household.  I pray that Scott and I will be able to reflect the focus and importance of the gospel to our children.  Regardless of what school method we choose - the home is the place they will have the opportunity to see this lived out the most.  I pray that the living out of the gospel will be central in our household.

-I will ask myself.... what is my motive behind the choice I've made regarding my kid's education?  Am I motivated by an anxiety about my student being influenced by those in the world around them at school - so I make a certain decision to avoid my child interacting with those in the world at all {and oh-by the way helping my own anxiety while we're at it}.  Sheltering for the sake of my anxiety or fear for my child is in no way God-honoring.   Or am I motivated solely by my schooling experience and make a rash decision that isn't the best for our family.  Praying now that the Lord will guide my motivation, that the spreading of the gospel will be my motivation, that the 'making much of' God will be my motivation.

-We are called to be salt and light in the world.  I can't think of a better way to begin preparing my children for what it is like in the world than to send them to school where they are surrounded by it most days for 9 months out of the year while they still live with me.  Or if that isn't the best decision for our family, how will I be intentional to put my kids in settings where they are surrounded by the world to be the salt and light?  I can certainly decide to 'protect' my children from the world's influences by making their school decision for them.  However, once they leave my roof - head to college... get a job in the real world... they are now in the world and are no longer under my influence.  How will I intentionally prepare my children for being in the world even after high school?  I can't help but be thankful for all of the glimpses and influences of the world I experienced while I lived with my parents... I was able to go home and talk about and ask questions about those things.  My mom and dad did a great job preparing me to discern well once I left my childhood home.  I'm so thankful for them.

I hope this will be helpful for me later in life... When we are actually faced with making a decision.  While I'm fairly certain what that decision will be-- I pray now that God would align my desires with His will for our family.

Critical conversations...

A few days ago I had a conversation with someone I love about critical conversations.  Since then I have really been dwelling on the topic... so here it is: {my dwellings...}

Probably 6-8 years ago those two words might as well be in the 'four-letter-words-we-don't-say category'.  I disliked having to have difficult conversations to my absolute core. Negative interactions/conversations were usually accompanied by fear of no more positive interactions/conversations with whomever.  I was a people pleaser from my head to my toes.  I wanted nothing more than to be accepted, acceptable, desired by others.  Even writing those sentences now give me chills.  To know how misplaced my desires were... that I so desired to be acceptable to others rather than Christ alone.

Today... I would suggest when they are done well {with grace, speaking truth and accompanied by love}, they are one of the best signs of true community. When done well they encourage a vulnerability that is uncomfortable and yet so rewarding.  When done well it is a maturing experience for all parties involved.

Raylene, do you believe that they all end with closer friendships? 

That is a great question, Internet.  No. We don't live in an ideal world. But I do believe that when done well {even when the result is relational separation from the other parties} that The Lord will give us peace about the outcome. 

I know you're dying to know.. So what does it look like when a critical conversation is done well? 

I'm SO glad you asked.

1. Saturate the situation in prayer.  Begging God to guide your heart, and mind to approach the situation in a way that honors Him, and to ensure the issue is not within your own heart.

1. Evaluate yourself - is the issue you're frustrated by/concerned with really something we need to deal with internally?  Or is it truly something that needs to be discussed with the other(s) involved?  Usually if you're still thinking about it a few days later... it is necessary to discuss.  Ask yourself.... what is at the root of what is bothering you?

3. Consider the others involved.  As you look at the situation that needs to be addressed, be sure to put yourself in their shoes.  Be sensitive to how you approach the conversation - being gracious and yet truthful. This is a fine line of not sugar coating the issue, but also not being completely insensitive.

4. Be mindful that others don't read minds.  So stop with the 'they should know why I'm upset with them' passivity.  They won't know what is bottled up inside your heart unless you share.  Isn't community about opening up and sharing our hearts with one another? {the answer is yes, Internet}

5. Be gracious, speak the truth in love.  This is so important - ask the Lord to guide your conversation and to allow you to speak truth in love.  That means: being very truthful and forthcoming about the concerns and sharing those concerns in a loving way.  Not approaching the other(s) in a mean spirited manner, but with love (note: 'with love' does NOT mean sugar coat the issue or beat around the bush where it becomes a super passive approach). Showing them that you genuinely love them.  Showing them that your aim for the conversation is not to  create a barrier between you but to work through your concerns and in the end grow closer.

6. Once you're done sharing your concern/frustration... it is a good idea to ask if there are any pain points in their mind regarding you.  I know, that can be a hard thing to ask for.... yet so rewarding to see this line of communication opening up.

7. Come to a resolution.  Whether it is 'I don't like the way you eat your food'...{I really hope not} or whatever - be sure to come up with a solution to the issue at hand.  It is important to not leave the conversation with no resolution or solution.  Might be helpful to ask and answer the question 'So what?'.... basically - 'what now?'.

7. End with prayer.  Pray for this new line of communication.... that it would be used wisely and that your hearts would be tender to one another's concerns moving forward.



Be encouraged, friends.  Once you open this once despised door of communication - it gets easier and easier to have these critical conversations when necessary.

It is important to realize how much vulnerability it takes to have these critical conversations.  Yet it is equally important to know how rich friendships are when these conversations are had when necessary and handled with grace and love.

I know someone values their friendship with me when they are willing to have critical conversations with me when they are needed.  There is a bond that is strengthened when these conversations can be had and received well.

There is truly so much that can be said about critical conversations - I've only begun to scratch the surface.  What are some pieces of wisdom that you have learned through the years regarding critical conversations?  Please share....

Real heart change for this Real Ray Wednesday {part 2}

Dear internet,

As you read last week - I studied a couple of amazing books over the summer.  However, I left you with a bit of a cliff hanger considering I only told you about one of them.  Don't worry, it's just my way to ensure you'll come back exactly a week later. :)

During Launch this summer we went through, Future Grace by John Piper.

I wouldn't dare show you the thickness of this book with the fear that you'd never consider digging in.  It is a rather thick book, but worth the read.  He designed the book to be 31 chapters with the thought that someone could read a (short) chapter a day and be done with the book in a month. 

The Lord has used this book in tremendous ways this summer.  I will do a horrible job... but yet-my best to summarize the highlights of this book and how it has impacted me this summer.  

Too often we {christians} fall into a certain mindset described in the book as 'the debtor's ethic', where we see how good God has been to us and all that He did on the cross for us and we spend our entire lives attempting to make it up to God.  'Make it up' - all of the blessings, sacrifices, provisions, fulfilled promises that He has given us from this moment in time and prior.  We do good things, we serve in every avenue possible, we work very hard {with our own effort} to do good in His name in order to make up for all of the goodness He has provided for us.

OK... before you go gettin' your panties in a knot.  Let me confirm - it IS a good thing to dwell on the work of the Lord in our lives from this moment prior, especially the work done on our behalf on the cross.  However - we should not fall into the mindset that we can, should, will one day be able to pay off some sort of debt to God for all that He has done for us.  

We SHOULD look back at all that the Lord has done for us and let that motivate us to continue counting on (for the future) the grace that is so evident in all of His past blessings.  The key is how that past work motivates us.  We can't ever pay back what He has done for us.  Guess what... He doesn't call us to pay Him back.  He tells us to go and make disciples and to make much of Him.  Dwelling on the past grace He has shown us - should encourage and ensure our confidence that He will continue to lavish His grace on us in the future.  

Do we live as though we realize the promise of Romans 8:28? 

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purposes." NASB

Piper has a chapter+ devoted to discussing this promise.  This has been really challenging to me this summer.  This verse sounds great.  Do we live as though it is true?  I mean REALLY true?  

I would suggest that we  I have been so quick to read 'God causes all things to work together for good' according to my standards/expectations/definitions of what 'good' is.  Could it be that what God sees as good is the actual standard/expectation/definition of good and mine is just a finite, self centered, temporary, lacking view of what good is in the moment. I think so.  I'm so thankful that God does not define good the same way I do.  {that is a really hard statement to say and mean 100% of the time because I often times convince myself that my definition is the 'right' one}.  

No mater what my current situation, circumstance, struggle, blessing or success is - is exactly the best place for my to be.  Can we pause here?  Do we get what this means?  I'm still figuring out how to live each moment of my days fully aware of this fact.  What an amazing promise.  

I could literally write about that alone all night long.  However the book did have 30 other chapters. :)

Something unique about the way Piper structured this book is that he typically had sections of 3 chapters that relate to one another.  He ends each section by identifying evidences of unbelief in our lives and provide practical ways to battle them. (i.e.: anxiety, impatience, pride, bitterness, despondency, lust, covetousness, and misplaced shame)  He digs into each of these areas of unbelief - when we are anxious, or impatient, or prideful, or have bitterness in our heart - that is evidence that we are not trusting in God for something. 

This book really challenged my trust in God's promises.  I know His promises and I've seen Him fulfill his promises in my life and in the lives of those around me.  However, the Lord used this summer's study at Launch to peel apart my heart.  I discovered that I am waiting to be an exception to His promises.  

I know and believe He is good on His promises {for everyone else}.  I've even seen His goodness in my life through His promises.  Yet I have struggled with fitting God into my finite-ness.  "There is always an exception." has crept into the way I was viewing God.  Wow.  I didn't even realize it... 

I'm so thankful for the way the Lord challenged {and continues to challenge} my heart through this summer's study.  He has yet again proven good on His promise in my heart.  He is molding me and shaping me and my warped view.  I'm so thankful that He is bigger than my finite mind.  

As I said at the beginning- I knew this 'summary' wouldn't do the book justice... but I encourage any and all of you to pick up a copy and dig in. 

I must warn you though:  prepare. to. be. challenged. to. your. core. 

So thankful for how the Lord reveals more of Himself through discussions with my community as well as personal time with Him.  

What is the Lord doing in your heart during this season?

Real heart change for this Real Ray Wednesday...

The Lord has done some huge work on this ugly heart of mine over the last several months.  You try reading both Follow Me AND Future Grace in the same summer and NOT be impacted to your core and let me know how that goes.

Let's see if you were paying attention to yesterday's update... remember the book we went through this summer with Tuesday Girls?  So proud of you - you're right!  Follow Me by David Platt was the book of choice this summer.

I have been challenged regarding my hearts desire to make disciples and what it really means to BE a disciple of Christ.  Let me tell you, DPlatt {as we often call him} brought it.

He doesn't get caught up in the 'must make every reader feel good' movement, which I so appreciate.  The purpose of his writing is to share truth. {period}

Here are a few of my favorite moments in the book:

So important to be committed to a local church, especially during college.  I know how hard it is to find quality preaching at school when your heart is back at your home church.  But that doesn't take away from the necessity to invest in a local body - even in seasons that it must be different than your home church.

At the end of the book he goes through a series of questions/challenges which provided some wonderful discussion with our Tuesday Girls.  One challenge he emphasized is the importance of daily intaking the Word.  He encourages a reading plan to help guide us, which we started at the beginning of the summer.  My hope and prayer is that the ladies (and myself) will take time each day to read these sections of scripture and spend time with the Lord asking Him to reveal more of Himself to us through His word.  Sure... we might take the 2 year approach rather than the 1 year structure of the plan I found - but the point is intentionally spending time in His word and with Him daily.

A phrase you'll hear me say quite often these days is 'be intentional'.  This phrase came from our study through Follow Me.  It is essential to be intentional in our time spent with the Lord; to be intentional in the conversations with our friends (believers or not); to be intentional about our investment into a local church body; to be intentional about those we let impact our lives and hearts through our community.  I could go on and on and on... but you get the point.  It is essential to be. intentional.

Stay tuned... I'll be sure to update on Future Grace as well... don't you worry :)

What book(s) have you been impacted by lately and how have they impacted you personally?

Kind of scared...

Internet, there is something I've been keeping from you.  The past month or so has been filled with some nerves, some anxiety and some just plain scary moments.

Insert Vinnie.

So about a little over a year ago I had some seasonal allergies, which is pretty rare for me.  My eyes were itchy and puffy.  Well after the allergies left... I noticed my left eyelid was still a bit puffy.  I didn't think anything of it at first.  After another week or two I decided that maybe I was allergic to a new product I was using.  So I started switching out my eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, eye makeup remover... tried it ALL.... and my eyelid remained puffy.

AT LEAST it isn't noticeable... is the thought that regularly enters my mind.

So after a year my friends and hubby finally convinced me to get a physical {not because of the puffy eye... but because I didn't remember the last time I had one because I. HATE. NEEDLES.}.  So I went to the doctor and told him about my puffy eyelid.  He felt around and decided to run a couple of extra tests to check my thyroid just to be certain everything is working properly there.  I get the blood work back and I am as healthy as can be!  YAY! I was so glad to get that news! But there were still no answers for who Vinnie is or why he was setting up camp in my eyelid {yes... I name random things in my life #sorrynotsorry}.

Probably 6 weeks later (January) I went for my annual eye exam and I decided to mention Vinnie.  He was fairly concerned and wanted me to get a CT scan to be sure.

Well if you know me at all... I'm not one that invites... actually I completely avoid needles at all costs.  So I decide to get another opinion since my general doctor wasn't too concerned about it and was just going to keep an eye on it.... so I had a couple of differing opinions.  So insert Dr. White.  He has been a family friend for several years because we've gone to church together for probably 10 years.  It just so happens that Dr. White specializes in the exact type of issue I was having with Vinnie.  So I went for a visit on a Monday where he confirmed that I did in fact need to get a CT scan {grrr to needles} to determine how we needed to move forward.

So that Friday I had the scan and set up a followup with Dr. White for the following Wednesday.  You'd think I'd be a nervous wreck... but the Lord truly blessed me with a fair amount of peace.... I'm not going to sit here and feed you lies that I never had my moments of doubt and anxiety.  BUT the Lord was so good to me.  I have such an amazing support system around me... and I felt that support and love even stronger that week and 1/2 of uncertainty and concern.

I am still praising the Lord that the results came back that the mass in my eyelid IS NOT cancerous.  Vinnie is a pesky cyst about the size of my eyeball taking residence in my eye socket. {chills down my spine}  What Vinnie doesn't realize is that an eye socket is only made for 1 item the size of an eyeball.

So... Vinnie is being evicted.  Surgery is scheduled for mid-March, Dr. White wants to get him out of there-- but it isn't an emergency type of situation.  I'm so thankful that I'll get to attend my brother's wedding BEFORE Vinnie is removed... so pictures will exclude a massive swollen black and blue eye :)

I know what you all are thinking.... Raylene, do you at least get to look like a pirate for a couple of weeks?  Well the answer is NO.  I asked the moment we set the date.... but no - the surgery is not on my actual eye so no pirate-talk-practicing taking place here.

So remember that amazing support system I mentioned earlier?  One of my dear friends, Jamie emailed me at some point during all of the waiting and reminded me of some of the ways God has been so good to me through all of this and through the timing of it all.... so I wanted to list some so when I look back at this I can have them documented:

From Jamie:

1. I forgot you were meeting with the doc Yesterday, but you were on my mind all day so I said a lot of sentence prayers. Then I just read your post about God's timing and I was thinking isn't it cool that He had me praying for you even though I didn't remember. I love that. 

2. I was thinking about how long you've had that bump on your eye and how awesome it is that God provided a full time job with benefits prior to you really discovering what it is. Awesome again.

3. I thought about how cool it is that you went to the doctor before the eye doctor so while it was nerve wrecking waiting to see how big this "growth" is you had the assurance that at least all your blood work was right. 

4. I was excited that it's not so serious that you get to wait until after Ashley's wedding. 

So thankful for my community.  Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support as I prepare for the surgery and recovery.  I'm so thankful for the Lord's timing for everything mentioned above... as well as the fact that my super busy season at work doesn't start until early May and I should be all healed up and ready to go for the busy season.

I am truly thankful for the Lord {period}.  I don't know how people go through times of uncertainty without having Him and His peace and promises to lean on.  I am thanking the Lord for my salvation today.  I love how a life situation like this continues to point me to the cross and the continued grace that is shed on me daily.


Praise the Lord.

sassy sickness....

This weekend...

As you've probably already gathered from the last few posts... Scott and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary this weekend!  

Since I had a wedding at our church to coordinate that afternoon - we did an anniversary lunch!  

Here we are headed out for our day of love!

Here is Scott... looooooving him some OK Joe's BBQ ribs! Yum... I of course get what every human being must try once in their life time... THE Z-Man Sandwich! 

Afterwards we went to Blue Chip Cookie... one of my favorite places for sweets EVER!  We used to have one in town, but now the closest one is conveniently near OK Joe's!

Look at that glorious goodness... my favorite kind of cookie - soft iced sugar cookies!  Yum-o  

And they even decorated a whole tray of them JUST for our anniversary... I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that valentines day is around the corner {let me enjoy the moment}

Then we did what any married couple would do on their anniversary... 

Went to the car wash!  It was a beautiful day... what can we say?

The next day was Superbowl Sunday... which means it was Chili Bowl Sunday as well!  This is a very long standing tradition in our youth group {started back when I was in youth- insert cringe} - a mean flag football tournament!

Insert Laina and her mustache?  Not sure... but apparently she agreed to walk out of the bathroom and into the fellowship hall {full of youth} with the mustache on! lol  

The Chili Bowl is one of those events we let our GSM alumni come back and enjoy the festivities... so I was so glad to have Laina back for the event! 

Before we the students hit the mud we have chili, soup, and rotel for lunch.  I tried this amazing soup and actually liked it!  I LOVED IT! It is kind of revolutionary... I feel like I'm joining the grownups now!

Taylor did a great job as the announcer... He could make a career of it!  He kept me entertained the entire time he was announcing.

Some of the GSM girls - getting ready to get their flag-on

Laina and I were supervising the scoreboard... they told us we had to keep track of the score... so we decided that with that kind of power... comes the power to add 'bonus' points as we see fit.  Needless to say... we had a good time :)

GO TEAM!

Not sure... there are no words.. so I'll just let you gaze

Chili Bowl in action

GSM Chili Bowl participants!!  

After the Chili Bowl is over we always head back to the church for some pizza and to watch the super bowl together!

We always have a devotion during the 1/2 time show

THE CHAMPIONS!!!

Also.. the sermon on Sunday morning was about anxiety... and man was it powerful!  I can't wait to have some time to listen to it again... it was very very very good!  Check it out here!

Those are the highlights of my weekend... how was yours?!

time for a real-ray-insta-update!

Wow...  I didn't realize how long it had been since my last insta-update.  Time is seriously flying... 

If I were a fabric.... here I am.  Stoked for the home project that this is for!  

Oh my word, one of my favorite nights over the holidays... we had so much fun this night.  aaaaaannnndddd.... I'm not sure who decorated the cookies... probably the twins.  yeah... lets go with that.

Over the Christmas 'break' I had a chance to catch up on my scrapbooking...I can't tell you how much it warms my soul!  I love looking through letters, cards, ticket stubs, pictures, fortunes from the past several months... brought back so many memories!  I hope to post more about smashbooking soon... so stay tuned!

Christmas Eve candle light service at my church is by far one of my favorite traditions EVER. {insert the hubs rolling his eye as I take the picture below}

My view as I work, one day while the hubs was on break from school and work.  #blessed

Dear friends, family, really anyone who knew -  

How could you not tell me how amazing men's razors are for a smooth shave?!  It took Scott getting a sample in the mail {that I snatched because I was out of razors and he uses an electric} to discover this truth.  

Disappointed in you,

Ray

Me: 'I didn't make it to Christmas in the Park this year!'

Jen: 'It isn't too late... it doesn't close until New Years'

Yes... we aren't ashamed... we went to Christmas in the park the after Christmas came and went.  We didn't have to wait a single minute in a line... it was beautiful!  We will do THAT again!

Jen and I went to Planet Sub... and that is where the hyper began... and it didn't stop.  It got even better {as it always does} when we got to target... and Jen said, 'Oh... mascara.. I must need some more!' as digging through her purse for her debit card... lol  

Me... through the years... awkward and all #sorrynotsorry My mom and I were looking through old pictures to pull for a slide show for my brother's wedding and came across some real winners ;)

Peanut butter toast is on the list of favorite breakfast meals... don't worry Lindsay... below fruity pebbles! 

Got the perfectly timed... perfectly worded... perfect card in the mail last week.  #blessed

So we are dealing with a tar smell at work b/c of some roofing work going on.  So I {being the engineer's wife, I am}... pulled out my stash of dryer sheets and let the Vornado freshen our air.  Sadly... the tar smell won the battle this time.  

*Note:  Yes, it is completely normal to have a ziplock full of dryer sheets in my desk drawer {next to my emergency kit}... I use them to de-static-ify my hair and clothing.  

*Note #2:  Internet, if you want to see me realllllly upset, distraught, annoyed, unreasonable... just get my hair super staticy... #can'thandle  Something about the static electricity makes me a little crazy irritable 

Got my new purse in the mail the other day... of course packaged so stinkin' adorably... You should check out her store... there are so many beautiful things!  

Thanks Pinterest for coming through for me again!  This link actually had a video that showed me exactly how to tie my scarf in the 'woven' style!  love it!

Cold saturday mornings with waking up early = the need for the BFF's smile and some starbucks columbia instant coffee! #yum

A whole blog post could be written about this day... it was full of so much truth, tough conversations, laughter, joy, sassiness, mexican food, coffee, chai, glasses shopping, giggling, flirt lessons, curly hair styling methods... oh the list could go on.  It can all be summed up with a few words... love. these. girls. 

So thankful for this opportunity that forces me to look back and think through these beautiful little moments sprinkled through the last few weeks.